At the time God entrusts one of his children to the care of a parent, I think he connects you together with an invisible elastic band. As your child grows, the strength of the band is tested and stretched with each move toward independence. When a new mom returns to work and entrusts a newborn to someone else's care, she feels the distance as she stretches that band to it's current short limit. I can only assume that there is a similar feeling as that child pulls out of the driveway alone flaunting their new drivers license and stretching that band a little further. Now I know that when your child is in pain, they pull the band to bring you near. Yesterday, Lillian was yanking on that band with all her might. As I felt it's pull tighter and tighter, I also felt the lack of control pulling me in the opposite direction as the doctors debated their plan for her care for what seemed like an eternity. That helpless tension tug-of-war is the worst feeling in the world.
Lillian started grunting with every exhale as we drove home yesterday from a routine clinic visit. That happens sometimes when her counts are low and she is fighting the cancer with all of her strength. But this time it seemed different. So after throwing some bags in the car, we returned to the clinic where they found that her blood oxygen level was low and put her on oxygen. Simultaneously, she developed a fever of 103.9. Finally we were admitted to the General Peds floor and she was put on morphine to help the pain. After a long night and multiple tests, her fever has subsided but she continues to need oxygen and morphine to keep her comfortable. We can only assume this is an infection as is common in immuno-suppressed kids.
At this point, our biggest concern is getting her comfortable while her counts return to help the antibiotics fight whatever this is. I share these tense moments because we need your prayers but also because this will serve as a journal of our experience. I hope this does not overwhelm or burden you. Please pray for Lillian's comfort and speedy recovery. May God lift her burden and let our elastic band loosen a bit.
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5 comments:
Little Miss Lillian,
I feel so blessed to have had the chance to hold your sweet hand, and tell you to keep up all that hard work.
You rest precious girl, as your body and God work together to fill you up again! Your parents are dilligent and determined, you did well to have chosen them! They are by your side every minute whispering love to you!
We are sending out prayers that you will take the time you need to heal, and then go home with one of your big smiles!! Even while resting you look as beautiful as a princess...
Love from your friends, and their friends, and their friends!!
Katie
We love you guys...thanks for the update. We can only imagine how difficult this is. I appreciate your elastic band analogy - it's amazing how clear your thoughts and insight are, even though you are in a stressful, sleep-deprived state. You are an amazing person Lori.
We love you all!
Traci
Lillian, you are something! The way you fight so hard, and manage to be beautiful while doing it is special indeed. I am a friend of Grady Newsom, and therefore a friend of yours. I am going to keep you and your mom and dad in my prayers. You do your best and God will do the rest! Love, Angie
Lori,Jeff and Lillian,
I have been and will continue to pray that Lilly's counts go up and the antibiotics begin to work. I also pray that she can be comfortable very soon and that you and Jeff will begin to feel some peace. Liz G.
Well written article.
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